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OK Friends, here we go! Exalta!! (don’t forget, lots of info at exalta.wikia.com)

I am excited to be taking over the DM role again. As of time of writing, I have put 25 or 30 preparatory hours and about $40 into this campaign, in the hopes that it will be the best campaign I’ve ever run. I really really truly hope that it’s going to be fun.

However, let me stress again that I have put some serious time and money into this campaign. For you. To have fun with. So this is where I’m going to get a wee bit harsh with y’all. So listen up, because I want to protect my efforts and give everyone an awesome time.

THE PREACHING
I want you to think back to what I see as four defining moments of campaign destruction, committed by four different people. There are older examples, but these are specific. Let’s examine four catastrophes in three campaigns that I dearly, dearly want to avoid.

1.     The only campaign I have ever put nearly as much work as this in was effectively ruined by Chris Kjeldgaard. The map I created for Pixtroke took me hours and hours and was one of the nicest things I’ve ever made (and just wait until you see this one). Kjeldgaard backstabbed the party because he wanted to go rogue. Now, his general attitude left much to be desired, which is why we voted to boot him from the campaign, but he made D&D seriously unfun for me and for others. Backstabbing was the root cause of the campaign’s demise.

2.     Paul’s last campaign began self-destructing after Jacob chose to backstab the party. There are out-of-character reasons Jacob did this (I would attribute a general boredom with D&D and with us, TBH), but regardless, it happened. Shortly thereafter, Josh and Jacob together made decisions that, even if a massive party wipe hadn’t happened, the party would never have gotten back together. Backstabbing was the root cause of the campaign’s demise.

3.     Finally, in the last campaign I ran, two people became ridiculously overpowered. We can argue another time (or preferably not at all) about exactly how overpowered Josh and Austin became, about why it happened, about who was more overpowered than who, about whether it was justified or not… whatever. The bottom line is not how it happened, but what resulted. And what resulted was that, for months, in every single combat, Josh and Austin dominated. It got to the point where I was having difficulty making encounters because everything was either too harsh for the weaker players or not challenging for Josh and Austin. Getting overpowered was the root cause of the campaign’s demise.

And yet, it’s the third campaign that I think had some of the most tragic results: The game stopped being fun for Jacob, Lula, Alekhin, Tyler, and even myself to an extent, and three of those people stopped coming. Were there other reasons? Yeah. Was this a huge contributing factor? Undeniably yes.

So let me be absolutely clear: There will be absolutely no backstabbing and absolutely no OP characters in this campaign. 

Now, the first is relatively easy to combat, and historically, I’ve managed to do a pretty good job reigning it in. However, fixing the latter might result in some hurt feelings.

SO YOU ARE BEING WARNED:

If a character becomes, in my opinion, overpowered, I will fix it. Thinking back to overpowered characters in the past, that could mean murdering hummingbirds, taking away splitting enchantments, removing ability points, and even taking away gold. I will try to be fair and depending on the situation I will try to give some kind of consolation prize, but if I can’t, I can’t. I’m doing it anyway. '''There will be no whining. There will be no''' butthurt. I simply don’t want to hear it. 

I’m hoping that you guys can learn, as I did, from the mistakes of the past. The bottom line is, neither a splitting enchantment nor your feelings are worth the price of the campaign, nor are they worth making the game not fun for three other people. Please understand that and make it easy on me when I will inevitably have to balance your character.

((And, a side note especially for Josh: Your getting incredibly overpowered in that campaign was a combination of three components: Several mistakes by me, your insane and unexplained luck, and your undeniable prowess at building and running spellcasters. I’m not saying you intentionally became overpowered, or that you intentionally made the game not fun, but that was ultimately the result. I am actively expecting to have to edit your character. I apologize in advance.))

THE POWERFUL ONES
I’ve been DM’ing on and off (mostly on) for almost five years now. I’ve gotten experience playing in multiple types of campaigns in multiple games run by multiple DMs. I’ve also heard numerous stories and gotten feedback from plenty of players. I’m just going to say it, and you can say it makes me sound conceited, and you might disagree, and don’t worry because there’s a giant asterisk coming after this statement, but…. I am the BEST DM I know of.

I have a talent for putting together characters on the fly, for creating any situation a player can imagine, for playing realistic in-character NPCs, for writing awesome dungeons both scripted and non-scripted, for creating a realistic and fun world to play in, and of course, for making some pretty awesome maps. From everything I’ve heard and from what I’ve experienced, I am better than anyone in our party and anyone on campus at DMing.

Now comes the asterisk. The part you’ve all been waiting for. Because I know you didn’t want to hear me tooting my own horn for two paragraphs. That said, this one I honestly don’t think anyone is going to disagree with me on…. '''I am the WORST GM I know of. '''

There is literally one GM-related activity I’m good at and that’s keeping track of initiatives and damage and keeping combat moving. I do a pretty good job there. I suck at character creation. I suck at rule adjudication. I suck at answering game-related questions. I suck at running spells and spellcasters. I suck at knowing what is and isn’t appropriate for a character. I reach a positively noobalicious level when it comes even to basic rules. I’ve been playing the game for five damn years and I still can’t get straight what triggers an attack of opportunity.

It is HUGELY my lack of skill as GM that has caused me many problems in the past. Frankly, I don’t think this is going to change, ever. So I’m asking for you to be patient with my weaknesses and focus on my strengths.

Additionally, Paul is by far the best GM I know of (though, may I say, Josh and Alek are very strong as well), and I’m happy to have him back in the campaign. We make a pretty awesome team, if I do say so myself. So I decided to make the team official.

'''Basically, all game- and rule-related questions go to Paul. All''' content-, canon-, or character-related questions go to me.   

This goes for both as we are starting the campaign, and while we play the game. This way you know who to ask for what. Hopefully that will help cut down on difficult times.

The main overlap will be questions on what is or isn’t allowable. I’m open to hearing a case for any kind of enchantment, spell, weapon, race, creed, color, slave, whatever you can dream up from any book or from your own imagination. However, those kinds of questions have to go through both me and Paul. I have the ultimate decision, but recognize that if Paul says no, I probably will too. As stated above, he simply knows better than I do.

Now, to streamline gameplay and blah blah blah, I’m going to ask that any questions relating to character building like “can I have this weapon” or “can my character do this” or whatever… They need to be asked before ''the game begins. ''Preferably while we eat. So every Friday I’m going to ask for those kinds of things at some point before the game starts. Please don’t ask to have such questions settled during the game. It can wait until next week. And, so you don’t forget your question, you can write it down and put in your….

FOLDERS
I’m going back to the original method of giving everyone a happy colored folder with their name on it. This is because I have several handouts to give you (like printed maps), and constantly throughout the campaign I plan to give you real-life props like letters and notecards that you’ll want to keep for more than just one dungeon. Additionally, I have a little surprise for you all, which will be revealed on character creation day.

You are both welcome and encouraged to keep the folders at my house in the Chompy. What you ultimately choose to do with it is totally up to you. However, when it comes to stuff I give you like props, if you don’t have it in real life, you don’t have it in the game. No exceptions.  And, because I already know some of the things I’m going to give you, you are seriously going to be up Shits Creek if you lose it. So don’t lose it.

To the best of my ability, anything that comes with that specific rule will have a special dot sticker on it. That means it's definitely important! But just because it doesn't have a sticker doesn't mean it isn't important....

CHARACTER SHEETS
USE A PATHFINDER CHARACTER SHEET.

Yes, it’s a 3.5 campaign. But I prefer the Pathfinder skillset so we will be using it. That means Athletics, Perception, and Stealth checks. Just scratch out CMD and CMB and use a regular BAB and there should be literally no difference.

Where you keep your character sheet is up to you. I don’t care what you do with it. Just please do bring it with you every week. Obviously, it makes it easier.

ALIGNMENT
N/N, C/G, N/G, L/N, or L/G. No exceptions.

CLASSES
I decided to restrict or allow classes on a case-by-case basis. If I think they make sense with some aspect of the game world lore, I will allow it. If not, I will not. Leaping immediately to mind as banned, for example, would be a Dragon Shaman. It just doesn’t fit. Consider it a blessing that I’m not restricting it to base Player’s Handbook classes (which I was seriously considering). So, anything that isn’t base Player’s Handbook, you must approve with me.

LEVEL
We’ll be starting at level 3.

BACKGROUND
The year is 1335. You are a group of new additions to a merchant’s guild based in Carapace, Acostia. You don’t know much about what you’ll be doing, but you know that the job requires both brain and brawn, and both will be about equally important. You also know that you’ll be making frequent (and hopefully lucrative) trips into Unetenie, so if you have contraband, you’ll have to know how to hide it.

I don’t necessarily need super fleshed-out backgrounds (though they are appreciated), but I’m going to require a few answers to a few questions. I’m happy to help make anything work as best I can, so for day one just have a general idea of what you want and we’ll settle on specifics. However, here’s some questions I’ll need answers to.

Basic demographics: Race, age, gender, skin color, eye color, hair color, all that jazz. Have a basic idea of what your character looks like facially, because a small sketch will be created for you with my mediocre artistic talents (yes, it’s necessary).

Where are you from? City and current nationality required.

What have you done with your life up until now?

How did you get to level 3? What have you fought? How have you trained?

What brings you to Carapace?

What qualifies you to be part of a merchant’s guild?

What’s home like? Your family? Peasants, merchants, farmers, royalty?

Any quests or personal goals you seek to fulfill?

WEALTH
I’m doing a much different thing than usual with starting wealth. Starting wealth will be entirely based on background. Write a good background, you’ll get better stuff. If your background means you would get a lower starting wealth, you’ll get free skill points, items, or abilities. That’ll all be decided when we go over your background, which I’ll make sure to do privately with each of you in case you have secrets. (Secrets are fine, just positively no backstabbing.)

CONCLUSION

Alright, ya’ll, I think that about sums it up. Any questions don’t hesitate to ask. It’s going to be pretty awesome, I think. :D